I would like to tell you my testimony with a story if that’s okay. When I was younger, I knew a 9-year-old kid named Tommy. This kid was full of joy, always wanting to have a good time, and loved meeting new people. He was the type of kid that could become anyone’s best friend.

The Defiling of Innocence

Tommy grew up in a strict, traditional Catholic home in downtown Toronto and lived in a townhouse shared by two families. His family lived on the main floor, and the other family lived upstairs. The upstairs neighbor had a son who was in high school, and Tommy looked up to him as a role model. Trust was built between the two, but one day, this role model started to make strange requests, which eventually led to inappropriate requests. At the time, Tommy was an innocent child who didn’t know anything about these requests. All he knew was to have fun, be a child, and think about whatever nine-year-olds think about. This went on for months until the neighbor moved away, leaving Tommy alone to question himself about the actions he had taken. He was left completely in the dark.

The Fall

This is where Tommy’s life started rolling downhill. He felt shame at church and at home, which led him to close himself off to a lot of people, including his own family and faith. Then he began to hear voices telling him that no one would ever accept him or love him and that he wasn’t good enough. He didn’t know until later on in his life that this was anxiety. Most Asian family homes don’t really believe in mental illness, so he was left to battle something he was unaware of. Imagine going into battle and not knowing who the enemy is. That’s what it felt like for him, constantly. As he got older and was now in high school, he started to prove these voices wrong by making friends (with the wrong crowd, of course). This led him to drown out the voices with alcohol. When that did not work, he turned to drugs to suppress the voices and the memory of the time when he was molested. Eventually, that led to living a sexual life sleeping with men. Tommy continued to do all this throughout his teenage years and his twenties, living a life of fleeing and attempting to prove to these voices that he could be loved. He sought encouragement from the wrong people until he collapsed from exhaustion and couldn’t endure it anymore. The enemy caught up, took hold, and dragged him into a gruesome depression. Tommy’s hope for life was lost. He surrendered himself to these voices and accepted their truth.

The Journey of Faith and Redemption

A few months later, Christian and Tommy were driving back from the grocery store. As they arrived outside Tommy’s place, Christian wanted to talk. He confessed to Tommy that his worldview was wrong and that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and how he had given his life to Jesus Christ. Christian talked for three hours, which seemed like forever, and all Tommy did was listen. He didn’t know what to say except for, “You’re my best friend, and I love you no matter what your beliefs are.” What’s interesting is that this opened a whole new door for Tommy. He knew who Jesus was, but he had never really known him. He started to ask questions about Jesus, and Christian would answer with the best of his knowledge. Two months later, Christian assisted Tommy in giving his life to Jesus Christ. Tommy had no idea what he was getting himself into. He figured he had nothing left to lose, so he decided to give Jesus another shot with ZERO expectations, stepping into faith. Little did he know, his life started to change for good.

The Shepherd’s Voice

Tommy started to hear another voice in his head, but this voice was completely different from all the other voices. It was calming and encouraging. He wouldn’t find out till later on that it was the voice of Jesus. Every time these other voices would arise and give him anxiety, Jesus’ voice would be there too, telling Tommy the truth that he is loved and that his past, society, or these random voices do not define who he is. You see, when Tommy was trying to redirect his focus somewhere else, it didn’t work because he didn’t have Jesus to focus on, but now he does. Tommy still struggled with anxiety, but Jesus would always be there by his side to help him. Whenever he would be in his darkest moments, he would receive visions of Jesus right there willingly giving him joy and delivering him from them.

The Sacrifice and the Resurrection

One day during worship at his church, Tommy heard a voice that said, “You must kill Tommy!” It was loud, like someone was shouting it in his ear. So, he opened his eyes to get a glimpse if someone had said it, only to realize everyone was worshipping. He thought he heard wrong, so he shut his eyes and continued to sing songs of praise. Then he heard it again, “You must kill Tommy!”

In shock, he didn’t know what to do but to call out to Jesus and ask, “Lord, who is telling me to do this?”

The voice replied, “Tommy is a fabrication of the devil. I knitted Hien together, and he is wonderfully made by my own hands. Hien is suffocating, wanting to be released. I cannot instruct Tommy because he is not made in my image. Hien has so much more to learn, and he is eager. My plans are for Hien, not Tommy.”

In that moment, Tommy started to sob and went outside. He borrowed a lighter and found an old credit card of no use with the name Tommy on it. He lit the fire and put the card to it and said, “Lord, is this what you want? Then let your will be done.” The card then burst into flames. Tommy was no more. That was the moment where Tommy truly died to himself, gave his life to Jesus, and lived the way God had designed him, with the name Hien. To know who he was in the eyes of Jesus was necessary for what follows next.

The Impossible Task

The next task Jesus gave Hien was the most challenging one, but He gave him months of preparation for it. He told him on the day of his mom’s birthday, he was to reveal to her everything that happened in his life. Hien felt uneasy about this. Knowing what he was feeling, Jesus responded with “Leave your mom to me. Whatever happens or how she reacts, I will take care of it.”

Now it was Hien’s choice to do this assignment. How he chose to respond would affect his journey moving forward. He was frightened! He feared her reaction and rejection. The voices got louder, telling him not to do it. You could hear the fear in the voices, saying anything possible to not let him confess to his mother. Rather than letting the voices dominate his thoughts, he kept his focus on Jesus’ promise, “Leave your mom to me. Whatever happens or how she reacts, I will take care of it.”

Hien wanted to be obedient; Jesus had helped him greatly, and from what he’s read in the gospel, Jesus wants to give us life. And the only way to have life is to follow him and to listen to his instructions. His anxiety became more severe every day coming up to his mom’s birthday. He really didn’t want to do it and was fortunate to have his friends Christian and Karina there to encourage him and pray for him in the other room. He remembered praying before the call, hoping that she wouldn’t answer. He was wrong; she answered right away. It was an emotional phone call. He told her everything. Him being molested, the drugs, the gay life, the anxiety, depression and how he gave his life to Jesus… it was a lot to drop on his mother in a phone call, especially on the day before her birthday [in fact, it was only a few hours before midnight], he told her everything. She responded with “The past is in the past. You have Jesus now, so let’s look towards the future.” He sobbed even harder! He had never wept like this before. It was her forgiving him and letting him know that none of that matters anymore. Jesus was right; He did take care of her before the conversation, preparing her heart to hear his testimony and to comfort her and help her process all the information afterwards.

After the phone call, he felt at peace, a feeling he hasn’t felt in a long time. It was like he was nine years old again, before all the evil events happened, before the voices appeared. This peace continued on for days, weeks, and now years. Jesus delivered him from anxiety for good! To this day, those voices are gone, except for the voice of his Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

The Conclusion

You see, Jesus knows us better than we know ourselves. He knew that in order for Hien to be set free, he needed to find the source of his problem and face it. The bad seed that was planted in Hien when he was young has grown a lot of roots, so cutting the tree down wouldn’t do; it would just grow back. The roots had to be yanked out—the source of his anxiety—to give room for the new seed, the seed of Christ, to grow. He was running away from his problems and isolating himself from the people around him. The one person who loved him the most, besides Jesus, was his mother. Hien needed to let her in too; he had to be honest with her. His mom also represents God in some ways. She is a parent, just like God is our Father. She wanted him to come to her with all his problems, just as God the Father wants us to come to Him. She was willing to listen and quick to forgive as long as he was open about who he truly was. Just like God, who is quick to forgive as long as we are honest and repent. If Hien wasn’t able to be honest with her, how is he able to be honest with God?

Hien still has other obstacles and challenges in his life. But instead of figuring it out on his own, he put his trust in Jesus. And because of what Jesus did on the cross, his sins are forgiven, and he has been washed clean because of God’s grace. Hien has been sober since 2021, with no desire to do drugs or drink. He replaces it with Bible study with his house group every Tuesday night since 2020, who have now become his family. He stopped running away from his problems and faced them head-on with Christ leading the way, while encouraging others to face their problems and build their relationship with Jesus. He stopped his homosexual lifestyle and only seeks a relationship with Jesus. Jesus told him once, “I am the man you’ve been looking for your entire life.”

I’m going to leave you with one of my favourite bible verses:

But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, But you have been brought near to him through the blood of Jesus Christ. Ephesians 2:13 NLT

Because of Jesus, we can be in the Father’s presence again, with no shame or fear. We can now be in the presence of love, joy and peace.